As my journey through pregnancy is quickly coming to an end, I am pausing today to reflect on some of the more absurd comments that have found their way out of the mouths of not only strangers, but even those that I see on a regular basis on the bus or at work. Let this post serve to educate the ignorant, enlighten the "less than enlightened" and let me blow off some steam before I murderball the next idiot who says something to me!
1. Never EVER say "you are enormous."
Number one, do you think I don't already know this? By you reiterating this fact, I have now placed you on my dumbest people ever list. That's a list nobody wants to be on. Number two, thanks. That's just what I want to hear as I was making my way to the vending machine to buy a bag of Tear n' Share M&Ms. And I wasn't going to share with anyone...
2. Never EVER say "are you sure you're doctor has your due date correct?"
SERIOUSLY? Are you really serious? I swear that this comment was heard in the halls at KMK on Friday, February 13, 2009. I'll never forget it. I stood in complete amazement at the idiot who said that to me. If my mouth wasn't on the floor, I wish I would have responded that my doctor would be more than happy to fax over my medical records. Or even better, why don't you give me an exam and tell me when I'm due. Too bad she got laid off...
3. Never EVER say "how many babies are in there?"
Believe it or not, this comment came from the same lady who dared to ask the due date question above. All in the same conversation. It was truely an unbelievable 2 minutes of my life. I wanted to ask her how many hamburgers she had in her belly, but like I said, my mouth was still on the floor.
4. Never EVER say "you still have a ways to go"
Trust me when I say that I don't know a pregnant woman alive who doesn't know exactly how many weeks, days, hours, minutes and seconds there are left until she is due. Not that this is an exact science, but I know how much longer I have. I don't want to hear that 10 weeks is still a "ways to go". Because really, it's not. After you factor in that babies are considered full term at 37 weeks, that would bring me down to 7 weeks. That doesn't sound like a very long time to me, plus I have 500 million things to do before then. Or, if perchance this baby decides to stick around past my 40 weeks, don't you even think I want to know that I still have a "ways to go."
5. Never EVER say "I feel like your pregnancy went so fast"
Really? Well I'm glad it went fast for someone. Too bad I found out I was pregnant the DAY it happened so it really has been an eternity.
So, now that I feel much better (especially after a guilt free lunch that included a chocolate shake) I shall end my rant with this piece of advice. Next time you see your mother, thank her for enduring the 10 months of pregnancy to bring you into the world and also for enduring the 10 months of unwelcomed comments. This public service annoucement is now over.
Have a good day!